Steps for planting the Forever Memory Garden

Chose an area 16 X 20 feet
Laid out the planting scheme on graph paper
Rented a tiller to break up the earth
Raked the area several times to remove all the twigs, roots and other obstructions
Purchased peat moss to put in the holes and to spread around the plants
Purchased perennial plants, speedwell and lantana and one perennial, Juliet Dahlia
Purchased lilies, begonias (weather tolerant) and portulacas (drought tolerant)-- annual plants with color to plant on the borders of the garden
Dug up cannas from another location on the property
Once the raking was done, a focal point was picked for the cannas, which was the center of the garden. A hole was dug and peat moss was mixed with the soil before the cannas were planted. The cannas were placed in the hole and dirt was put in the hole and around the cannas along with more peat moss.
Next the lilies were planted around the cannas, leaving enough space for weeding.
Next the lantanas were planted in a circular manner.
Next the speedwell plants, which are low lying plants that are great for borders.
Then the begonias were planted, which were pink and yellow in color, for the border. The begonias’ colors made the garden “pop” and created a true sense of where the garden boundary was.
Each time the plant was placed in the hole where dirt and peat moss were mixed and then peat moss was spread around the top of the plant.
Shake and feed fertilizer was put on all the plants. The plants were watered twice to make sure the soil was good and wet. Peat moss was then spread over the entire garden to keep in the moisture.

Suggestions:
Do not plan to plant the garden in 102 degrees in the summer. Fall or Spring would be a much better time than the summer. Choose plants that are best planted for this time of year.
Choose perennials and a few annuals for color.
Start with a small plot of land for the garden. 8 X 10 feet is a good size. If you have space challenges, start with a 4 X 5 foot footprint.

Forever Memory Garden

I was thinking of remembering my mother in a special, almost permanent way when the thought of a remembrance garden came to mind. My friend, Jennifer Blair, thought this was a great idea and volunteered to help me. You must know that I have a “black” thumb when it comes to gardening so when Jennifer said she would help me I was not only excited, but also relieved.

Jennifer flew down from Washington DC to Cairo, Georgia, where my husband and I own twenty acres. She surprised me with a beautiful ceramic plaque that she had made and which read, “In Memory of Marina Gonzalez”.
I picked a sight near the lake for the garden and where I would be able to see the garden from the windows of our future home. I bought an old bench, with lots of character, for $10 and placed it under a magnolia tree and placed it in front of the future garden with a view of the lake.

Jennifer and I planted the garden in memory of my mother on Father’s Day weekend. We planted lilies, cannas, lantana, begonias, portulacas, speedwell and one Juliet Dahlia. It was 102 degrees but we persevered and finished the garden without getting heat stroke. We placed the plaque leaning against the cannas. The garden is truly lovely, achieved with a lot of love with every hole dug and every plant placed in the earth.

You might ask why do something in honor of my mother on this special day for fathers? I know my father understands why I did something for my mother on his day. He always gave my mother beautiful cards for Valentine’s Day, for anniversaries, and for every other occasion and gave her beautiful gifts. He so appreciated the special person my mother was. So I am honoring my mother on his behalf—that is my Father’s Day present to him. I know my mother is smiling down from heaven looking at her garden.

I will remember sweet memories of both of my parents whenever I sit on the bench overlooking the beautiful garden.

Father’s Day without Father

What do you do when there is no father to celebrate on Father’s Day?
I decided to make a donation to Hospice in memory of my father.

Both my mother and father were in Hospice the last weeks of their lives. Hospice served as a peaceful time for their last days—no pain, no more needles sticking in them, no more X-rays, no more hospital. Apparently, in medieval times, hospice was a place where weary travelers found shelter. Now Hospice provides an environment where those facing life-limiting illnesses can live their last days in comfort, at peace and in control of their health care. I am grateful for the care they received.

So this Father’s Day, if your father has passed, think about giving to your favorite non-profit organization in memory of your father. It will make your heart feel good and you will know that your father was remembered.

Where's My Chicken Soup

I've been under the weather the last couple of days. These are one of the times I really miss my mother. When she was alive, she would check on me every day or I would check in on her with a phone call. During the call, if she found out I was not feeling well, she would make me homemade chicken soup and drive forty-five minutes to my home to deliver it to me.

There is no substitute for a mother's caring ways. Not getting chicken soup is one of the things I have to get use to. But still I yearn for my mother's chicken soup.

Caregivers sometimes get "down"

Do you want to keep busy so you won’t have to be alone with yourself? Do you find yourself depressed when you are alone with your thoughts? These feelings are perfectly normal as a caregiver for an aging parent.

It is easy to go through stages of depression when you are dealing with the care of your parent on a daily basis. It is easy to busy ourselves to the point of exhaustion because it is easier than to face the fact that your parent is ailing or dying. However, the previous behavior will only add stress to your life and will add wear and tear on your mind and body.

When I found myself in a normal state of depression, I would read a book or articles on losing a parent or would call a friend. It helped me come out of the doldrums.

You need to give your mind and body time to regenerate. As you regenerate, your depression and stress will ease. During these times you might even come up with new ideas to utilize in your care-giving situation, new ways to handle your grief over losing your parent, or in having a new outlook on life.

Do you have any other ideas of things that you do, as a caregiver, when you are feeling "down"?

Sundays Were Mother's Days

Sundays were special when I was growing up. This was the only day of the week my mother did not work. We spent a lot of time in the kitchen working on Sunday dinner. I rolled the dough for the pie crusts, one for my father's diabetic pie and one for the rest of us. My mother would usually make spaghetti, yes not a Spanish dish but nevertheless delicious. I would toss a salad and usually drain the spaghetti after it was cooked. My mother made the best spaghetti sauce, everyone thought so. After supper was made, we all sat down to eat. Sometimes our friends would drop by and of course they were invited to join us. Sometimes one of my friends would stop by just in time for dessert because she knew that my mother would have baked a delicious pie, coconut cream or apple or chocolate, all made from scratch.

After I got married and had my two sons, we would all go to my mother’s house for Sunday dinner. My husband was usually working so I appreciated that I could go to my mother’s house. She made an effort always to cook something that my sons liked. I would visit with my mother, nothing special; we would just sit around and talk about what was going on with my sons or me. But it was special. These were times I treasure to this day. Time spent with my mother. Time spent with her and my children.

On Sundays, after my children were off to college, I would go to my mother’s house for Sunday dinner. The meals she cooked were wonderfully delicious and we enjoyed each other's company. After supper, we would sit and visit. She would tell me what was going on with the entire family and I would tell her what was going on with my sons. She so enjoyed hearing about my sons, who she loved dearly.

When my mother became seriously ill, on Saturdays, I would go over to the house and cook for her and my father. I didn’t want to go on Sundays because subconsciously I think the memories were too painful. I knew the Sundays I so enjoyed with her were never to be again.

Sundays are a little lonely for me now. I yearn to sit next to my mother and give her a hug. I wish I could freeze those moments in time when we had so much fun together, whether it be cooking together, shopping or just visiting with one another.
As time passes after her death, I look back fondly at all those Sundays we spent together. All those times we sat down together to discuss our family, politics, my job, or whatever came to mind. I feel so grateful to have had such a wonderful, caring, giving mother. She was full of grace and dignity and always such a lady!

On Sunday and on every Mother’s Day, I thank my lucky stars for the time I had with my mother. My mother gave unconditional love and was an example of what true motherhood is. She truly deserves to be honored.

When Taking a Shower is Hurtful

Have you ever jumped into the shower with the hot water running and felt like the water stung your skin? Can you imagine having this sensation every time you took a shower no matter if the water was just at the right temperature?

For the last two years of my mother’s life every single time she took a shower she was in excruciating pain. We didn’t know why at the time. Perhaps it was my mother denying she had a horrible disease or she downplayed the fact that she was very ill or that she could handle the pain like she handled everything else in her life, with strength and dignity.

It was difficult for her to get out of the tub so that is why she opted for showers. I would buy her different body shower gels, lotions and creams to help with the pain, but to no avail. It didn’t matter what temperature the water was and what soap she used, it stung. Her skin had big brown blotches and it hurt to look at her skin which was oozing liquids. My siblings and I kept asking her what the doctors told her and she kept telling us that they didn’t know what was wrong with her. I went on several doctor visits with my mother and I think she hid how sick she was from them as well.

My mother had non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. She hid the diagnosis from me and my siblings for almost 1 ½ years. She hid it until the disease consumed her body and there was no denying she was very, very ill.

Who would have ever imagined that taking a shower would be hurtful.